Thursday, October 18, 2012

I was in class, sort of keeping an eye on things online when I noticed that someone had been onto Mark’s youtube account. The title of the most recent video, the one he left for me has been changed to something not so kind. But since I don’t remember the actual title I… don’t know what to do about that. I also am not entirely sure who’s doing it and that bothers me.

In other news, Mark’s upset at me for not having transcribed the other piece of paper he left for me before now. I got to talk to him Saturday night. They’ve moved him up state to some place bigger and a little more long term. He’s not happy about it but apparently he had a really bad freakout when he got there, kept saying he remembered the place but he’s never been there before.

He thinks he knows this younger guy that’s in there… but can’t source where. The kid’s a mess. Actually I say kid but he’s my age and Mark’s only got two years on me.  Anyway, the guy apparently thinks he “spent five years outside of time.” But he doesn’t know why Mark recognizes him. They’ve got Mark on some pretty powerful medications, he’s mostly asleep, apparently. Still adjusting.

Anyway… I promised him, so it’s time I finished.

Here it is, though I don’t know when it was written and how much is still valid.

Hey guys,

I have been trying to write this time and time again for a long while now. I want to start off by explaining that I firmly believe that this thing, “The Tall Fucker” is real. It’s injured me, Brian, Ian and Jon before. It’s because of it that James is gone. I know it’s real. It’s screwed with our minds and complicated our lives. I am still piecing together who I really am and when this all started shortly before my 21st birthday, I thought I knew who I was.

I did not.

What I’m not sure I believe is that I’m somehow seeing through some very deranged woman’s eyes. It’s far more simple to blame auditory and visual hallucinations brought on by a mental disorder or stress. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and suspected myself to be Bipolar for a long time. My father used to experience disassociative fugues. It’s sort of in my background not to be stable…. I’m trying to handle my own illnesses but I’m pretty quickly coming to the decision that it’s a losing battle.

Last but not least, I’m heavily considering ending my posts to this blog. I have all the answers I think I’m going to get, though I’m pretty worried about Brian, Quinn, Ian and most recently a brief friend from the past. From what I can tell it’s not looking good for Ms. Abbey even if I barely remember her. I remember a lot more than I thought I’d ever get back in regards to other people and I have some long, potentially uncomfortable discussions to have with someone.

But the Tall Fucker is a thing of my past…. I saw it first when I was young and it hung on for quite some time, yet now… it’s as if it has lost interest unless I pursue it, or give it some sort of opening. I thought that it gained power through people knowing of it… but I notice that I have less encounters when I don’t think about it or go to places that I’ve encountered it, when I don’t talk about it, bring attention to it… it doesn’t care. The only things tying me to it now are Brian and Quinn… and my own memories. I’ll always have the residual back pain thanks to breaking my spine during one of its attacks, I’ll probably always have holes in my past… but I don’t know that there is any more benefit to be gained by writing about it.

Though I have at least one more story about it to tell. Just not now.

That was it. It was typed and printed out and in that box. The reference to the mute girl and the hints at Brian kind of date it but then again, they could both be very general. Brian’s been missing since July, after all.

Either way, I’ve done what I promised, finally.

I’ve got to go back to class.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

As per Mark's request in video format.... I am going to post the message he left for me to transcribe and put up here but I want to note that I was allowed to visit him on Saturday (I'm writing this Sunday morning) and he had some... I guess bad news. In addition to the hallucinations he let slip to a doctor about our tall friend. They're apparently throwing the phrase “Schizophrenia” around like snowballs at a Christmas party. He also was unhappy that I haven't gotten the other post up yet, which I did tell him.

More soon.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Ian here... it's taken me a while with my own life to do what Mark needs. Here's the letter Brian sent him before he "went off to the loony bin" as he says. 


Don’t mind how long it’s been. I’ve just been busy over here. I’m not a big fan of the desert; it sucks the life right out of me. I usually don’t have time to write any letters at all. It’s been a while since we’ve really gotten to talk about anything and I’ve been thinking about high school a lot. Those really weren’t the worst times but just as often I didn’t really care about anything.

Oh, I had things I enjoyed about it, don’t get me wrong. Lunch was always fun, Ralph, Kyle, Becky and you and I never really let things get too boring but we also got out of control a few times. I’m surprised we didn’t get suspended more often. Mr. Leils kept his eye on us but never really called us out on anything. I kind of think he knows we started that food fight with the soccer guys in freshman year… and the one in sophomore.

Not that we didn’t get punished for it anyway… our whole grade had to clean it up both times. Didn’t you go home to get out of it once? I think it was Sophomore year. I don’t blame you but I also didn’t really mind doing it. It could have been a whole lot worse.

The thing is, those really weren’t the worst things we did were they? Remember when you locked Becky and Ralph into that janitor’s closet? She was a good sport about it because she knew us but damn was Mrs. Rayleigh pissed that they didn’t make it back for art class. Come to think of it they missed their next class too didn’t they? You had to give Becky  notes for Spanish class so she didn’t fail the test the next day.

Leaving all of it behind was pretty hard, especially those three. But it was always going to happen and I don’t think they were the kind of friends you kept after you stopped going to school with them. Not that there’s anything wrong with them.

On the contrary, I still sort of miss them.

Oh and one other thing I really miss about high school: Dan’s cousin Jeff was always cracking jokes during convocations. That was the only thing that made it worth not skipping those days.

Keep your chin up, Mark
Mark has something he wants me to show from him to anyone reading this but that'll have to wait, I just now finished this.