Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Surprises.


Uploaded that a week ago.

While I was looking around youtube I found something really weird. I thought I was just investigating someone else who had seen Him. But there's something kind of fishy about the channel. For one thing... it has the video Resurrection on it. For another thing... I think I heard my voice in one of its videos. Multiple times. If this guy knows anything at all I need to talk to him. I just need to figure out how to approach him.

The channel is FutureRefused2Change.

I'm pretty upset.

Every damn winter sucks.

Pet death.
Back and brain injury
Getting shot.
Getting stabbed.

However, it's Christmas night and I am at home with my father.

That's something.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

This is Rick.

If any of you know me its only by my voice, never been on camera in one of his vids.

I found Mark after this Connor kid attacked him. Mark's worked on puttin together a vid but he's a bit busy at the moment fighting off an infection, so I'm bringin it home, will finish editing out the bits he doesn't want you to see, what with gore and injury and whatnot. He's got a lot of explaining to do to me but I promised I'd help. Kid's knife punctured a lung. It collapsed. When I got him awake he had trouble breathing so we called 911. They didn't get there fast enough for him so I had to drive him.

He's not fuckin' happy. Maybe because he had to answer some of my questions and maybe because he knows I'm pissed he's been keeping shit from me. I might want to kick his ass myself if the kid hadn't already done it. Hope you never come back around. Oh, I got one last message from Mark.

"You should have finished the job, Thurman."


Thursday, November 29, 2012

stay away from her you fuck

doctors fear infection

not the first time i'd have an infection there, very different cause though

police want to talk to me again

told them all i will

didnt tell them who you were

but do go on i quite enjoy your anger

because i am pissed too

you may not have meant to but you brought one of my friends back into this

he was safe and now he's not

fuck you

Saturday, November 24, 2012


So I haven't slept. Not really out of fear... but because I've been doing a little digging around and it seems like the world is far, far more complicated than I thought it was. Yesterday I received a video response on the aptly named video, "A Jacket To Make You Hug Yourself?" which... is in and of itself its own mystery as Ian was likely not the one to name it that. Not really his style. 

The clip was about six seconds long. Short and sweet. It showed my front door hanging open and BUSTED all to hell. Which I have to say, when I came home I noticed just how busted it was, but that was long before this video went up. That too, is a mystery for another day.

I want to put it aside and look at this video. 


I've found two things wrong with the clip... beyond the obvious fact that it is so very wrong someone is recording my home at night. One of them is It, the tall fuck, standing in front of my door. The other, of course, being this We Must Collect fellow. I looked him up. Looks like he either was three people, who then became four, who then became two, who then became one, or he's still two people now? But this one called himself out by name, "Connor." So I kept digging.

This Connor used to run with some pretty fucking interesting characters... and I have no love lost for any of them and what he might do to them. I'll leave it at that.

Connor's a younger guy so small if I fell on him wrong I'd fear for his life. Seems to be a puffed up kid who likes picking on smaller, younger kids. Well, Connor, buddy, I think you bit off a tiny bit more than you can chew. What happened to this Puppet kid? Dead when you got there? Or was he sitting at his fuckin' desk minding his own business only to be knocked the fuck out without ever seeing you coming? Because to me, you and your little friends sound like cowards. 

Let's say I believe for a second that the tall fucker has made a deal with you. I know all too well where trying to deal with it goes and if what I've watched over the last few hours is any indication, you deserve everything that's coming to you. And I hope you share it with the others.

I saw what you did to the English kid. You've got a mighty little temper, kid. I assure you, you better get up nice and early and eat your fucking Wheaties when you come visit me. Lie with you? Hell no. I lie to survive. You kill to enjoy, and your little buddy who helped you looked to enjoy it as much as you. A shame you're fighting over a girl. Your own sister no less. That must've been one fucked up family.

I'm waiting.
I'm armed.
I'm about twice your fucking size.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I have mysteries a-plenty: e-mails claiming to be from people I know, a missing best friend, a stalker, and even a nice potential set of disorders to turn my brain. But I have to come and make my first appearance to my family since I left. Everyone in this family talks. Everyone knows.

But in the long run, nothing is really happening, anymore. Not to me. So I can learn to focus on this kind of problem, but I'm not used to it.

In the mean time, Brian, I'll be thinking about ya, man.

Speaking of missing people... I guess I need to try to look into Abbey.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Well, I've tried to make myself sit down before now and write this.

I'm not sure what to really say.

I voluntarily went in.

But no matter the shifts in dosages or types of medications, the therapy, the endless incessant chatter, I didn't change. The medication just kept me asleep or so drugged up I thought I was asleep. It was like hypersomnia all over again. It was exactly like it. I felt like I was barely alive, not in the Oh Dear Me, I'm Dying, way, more like I was closer to a zombie.

I got lucid enough to decide to leave. The night I got out, on the 17th, I went to a local bar again. Probably not a good idea, but I wanted to hang with a couple of the local musicians, shoot the shit. I've missed 'em. It was a crowded building that night, because of a concert. The girl who I saw in that damned forest.. she showed up.

She was there. The guy I was talking to saw her too.

That's enough to satisfy the insanity--hallucination worry.

My e-mail account lists three emails from strange e-mail addresses.

They're all variations of each other with numbers on the end and each e-mail is inconsistent with what I would expect to receive from the people sending them. I got the first on the 30th of October, the second on the 3rd of November and the third two days before I checked out of the ward.

As with many other things it makes no sense.

The first is from Quinn who advises me I need to go check on "the Silent Asa", as he has "literally and alarmingly embraced radio silence." He then advises me to not stay around my father's place for Thanksgiving Dinner and to instead come back to "safe house 1."

The other is from Brian, who says I need to call Quinn and talk to him about what to do while I'm in the midwest.

It makes no sense.

The third is signed Cenobia, thouh not from her usual e-mail. And what it says I won't repeat.

That is my mystery du jour.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I was in class, sort of keeping an eye on things online when I noticed that someone had been onto Mark’s youtube account. The title of the most recent video, the one he left for me has been changed to something not so kind. But since I don’t remember the actual title I… don’t know what to do about that. I also am not entirely sure who’s doing it and that bothers me.

In other news, Mark’s upset at me for not having transcribed the other piece of paper he left for me before now. I got to talk to him Saturday night. They’ve moved him up state to some place bigger and a little more long term. He’s not happy about it but apparently he had a really bad freakout when he got there, kept saying he remembered the place but he’s never been there before.

He thinks he knows this younger guy that’s in there… but can’t source where. The kid’s a mess. Actually I say kid but he’s my age and Mark’s only got two years on me.  Anyway, the guy apparently thinks he “spent five years outside of time.” But he doesn’t know why Mark recognizes him. They’ve got Mark on some pretty powerful medications, he’s mostly asleep, apparently. Still adjusting.

Anyway… I promised him, so it’s time I finished.

Here it is, though I don’t know when it was written and how much is still valid.

Hey guys,

I have been trying to write this time and time again for a long while now. I want to start off by explaining that I firmly believe that this thing, “The Tall Fucker” is real. It’s injured me, Brian, Ian and Jon before. It’s because of it that James is gone. I know it’s real. It’s screwed with our minds and complicated our lives. I am still piecing together who I really am and when this all started shortly before my 21st birthday, I thought I knew who I was.

I did not.

What I’m not sure I believe is that I’m somehow seeing through some very deranged woman’s eyes. It’s far more simple to blame auditory and visual hallucinations brought on by a mental disorder or stress. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and suspected myself to be Bipolar for a long time. My father used to experience disassociative fugues. It’s sort of in my background not to be stable…. I’m trying to handle my own illnesses but I’m pretty quickly coming to the decision that it’s a losing battle.

Last but not least, I’m heavily considering ending my posts to this blog. I have all the answers I think I’m going to get, though I’m pretty worried about Brian, Quinn, Ian and most recently a brief friend from the past. From what I can tell it’s not looking good for Ms. Abbey even if I barely remember her. I remember a lot more than I thought I’d ever get back in regards to other people and I have some long, potentially uncomfortable discussions to have with someone.

But the Tall Fucker is a thing of my past…. I saw it first when I was young and it hung on for quite some time, yet now… it’s as if it has lost interest unless I pursue it, or give it some sort of opening. I thought that it gained power through people knowing of it… but I notice that I have less encounters when I don’t think about it or go to places that I’ve encountered it, when I don’t talk about it, bring attention to it… it doesn’t care. The only things tying me to it now are Brian and Quinn… and my own memories. I’ll always have the residual back pain thanks to breaking my spine during one of its attacks, I’ll probably always have holes in my past… but I don’t know that there is any more benefit to be gained by writing about it.

Though I have at least one more story about it to tell. Just not now.

That was it. It was typed and printed out and in that box. The reference to the mute girl and the hints at Brian kind of date it but then again, they could both be very general. Brian’s been missing since July, after all.

Either way, I’ve done what I promised, finally.

I’ve got to go back to class.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

As per Mark's request in video format.... I am going to post the message he left for me to transcribe and put up here but I want to note that I was allowed to visit him on Saturday (I'm writing this Sunday morning) and he had some... I guess bad news. In addition to the hallucinations he let slip to a doctor about our tall friend. They're apparently throwing the phrase “Schizophrenia” around like snowballs at a Christmas party. He also was unhappy that I haven't gotten the other post up yet, which I did tell him.

More soon.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Ian here... it's taken me a while with my own life to do what Mark needs. Here's the letter Brian sent him before he "went off to the loony bin" as he says. 


Don’t mind how long it’s been. I’ve just been busy over here. I’m not a big fan of the desert; it sucks the life right out of me. I usually don’t have time to write any letters at all. It’s been a while since we’ve really gotten to talk about anything and I’ve been thinking about high school a lot. Those really weren’t the worst times but just as often I didn’t really care about anything.

Oh, I had things I enjoyed about it, don’t get me wrong. Lunch was always fun, Ralph, Kyle, Becky and you and I never really let things get too boring but we also got out of control a few times. I’m surprised we didn’t get suspended more often. Mr. Leils kept his eye on us but never really called us out on anything. I kind of think he knows we started that food fight with the soccer guys in freshman year… and the one in sophomore.

Not that we didn’t get punished for it anyway… our whole grade had to clean it up both times. Didn’t you go home to get out of it once? I think it was Sophomore year. I don’t blame you but I also didn’t really mind doing it. It could have been a whole lot worse.

The thing is, those really weren’t the worst things we did were they? Remember when you locked Becky and Ralph into that janitor’s closet? She was a good sport about it because she knew us but damn was Mrs. Rayleigh pissed that they didn’t make it back for art class. Come to think of it they missed their next class too didn’t they? You had to give Becky  notes for Spanish class so she didn’t fail the test the next day.

Leaving all of it behind was pretty hard, especially those three. But it was always going to happen and I don’t think they were the kind of friends you kept after you stopped going to school with them. Not that there’s anything wrong with them.

On the contrary, I still sort of miss them.

Oh and one other thing I really miss about high school: Dan’s cousin Jeff was always cracking jokes during convocations. That was the only thing that made it worth not skipping those days.

Keep your chin up, Mark
Mark has something he wants me to show from him to anyone reading this but that'll have to wait, I just now finished this.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

When I first saw the odd post prior to this one I hoped it was Brian, but it was done over my own account. I do not believe he would have a reason to do that.

The words had similar meanings but made no sense right beside each other.

Then I saw the videos.

Those two words were tags in one. They roughly translate to "surrender" or "retreat."

The video clips within the videos on my channel were taken from prior videos I had posted.

The titles are in Russian and mean "He's Gone" and "No Connection" respectively.

He's Gone is also the translation of the text overlaying each video.

I do not understand what the numbers are. I do not know the voice.

The description to the second video reads thusly: He's gone. 
He was the last. 
It's over. 
I will not contact you and you will not be able to contact me.

Not sure.
I have contacted everyone Brian was ever close with.

Yes, even Quinn. He and I had a very VERY long and enlightening conversation. Things are not going well for them which I suspect is why they've failed to update their blog in a long time. The lot of them seem to have given up, even Quinn.

Brian has contacted NONE of them.

Except his mother and father.

Strangely enough he's still sending them letters though they sometimes don't make much sense to them, as if they weren't really in answer to the one they sent him.

He sent them one for me too, but it's nonsensical.

It's reminiscing about things that never happened, (as far as I can remember, I confess) and teachers I KNOW we never had.

I'll transcribe it soon.

I'm so busy with school and therapy... that I don't think I'm going to be able to put much more focus on it.

Which is alright because really I am rapidly approaching a decision I've been punting around for a long time now.

I think it's time to close up shop on this blog. It doesn't bother me anymore. It doesn't bother Ian or John anymore. We've not even so much as seen it. Besides Brian's disappearance and the strange letters and the videos on my channel, things are almost normal. If you can call me constantly questioning if I'm in reality or not normal.

We'll see, I'll get more into that soon.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Monday, July 30, 2012

This is a long time coming. Should have posted these here. Don't know why I did not.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Brian wasn't there when I went looking for him. I searched the area and didn't find his car or any sign of him. I called Dan, Jon and Ian. He hadn't contacted any of them... and Dan may be lying his ass off about other things, though. 

Anyway. I went there, I went where I was supposed to meet Brian and he wasn't there. So I got in my car and waited. I checked my email account, I checked my facebook, the youtube channel, even Brian's twitter account. Absolutely nowhere was a sign of a message from him. Ian called some of the people we went to school with to see if he'd left letters... nothing. So I just headed over to a local park to meet the family.

My father and I got there early as per usual, we sat out on the hill looked at all the cars and trucks parked in the grass and all the people on the hill, laughed at a racist man who insulted a hispanic man and then promptly spilled his beer on himself and we generally had fun. But that's when it all started to act up again. The damn voice was in my ear again and all at once it was like the people around me sort of fell away. Not literally just, I was forced to recognize that I was different than them yet again.

I got up, walked off. The park this hill is in connects to a small nature area/forest which is really a lot larger than you expect from looking at it so I decided to go off there for a little privacy. I thought if I was alone she might shut up, calm down so I could go back. That wasn't how it happened. That wasn't how it happened at all. I started to have vision problems. At first I didn't equate it to what used to happen... you know, seeing what looked like the inside of a room or seeing people or things out of one eye. I just thought I was having issues focusing. I'd see trees that seemed misformed or out of shape or tilted. And the laughter and the voice associated with it started to get louder. By that time I thought I was done, literally ready to dive off the deep end until I realized that the ground was starting to realign itself. The dirt path was starting to go straight and narrow again.

There was something up ahead and though the trees were a bit hazy they were almost right. The something up ahead wasn't though. It was a person, rather tall by the looks of it. Long hair, dark, hanging loose in the failing light. He kept turning his head this way or that, big fellow that he was. He looked, abnormally tall. I raised my right hand and called out to him. I saw some sort of movement out of him, his own hand raised. He was hard to focus on so I assumed he was just off in the distance a ways and was waving to acknowledge my voice.

But when he and I lowered our arms at the same time I got a sickening feeling.

Despite what I may think about how impossible it was I soon realized I was watching myself. From behind. So I did what any sane person would do, while cursing the irony of the statement even as it came to my mind. I turned around. The man I was looking at was still visible and he was facing me from a distance, mismatched, uneven trees surrounded he, or I, for that matter. But there just off to his left was a new shape.

It was a woman.

Not just a woman, I think it was the woman, because as I froze there her voice became louder. I was hearing her more clearly, seeing... MYSELF more clearly. She was walking hunched over almost like a god damned animal but she was walking. When she stopped and lifted that mangled face with the eyepatch and the busted lip and I saw the image of myself shifting... changing, I broke. I don't know why it was that moment that I broke. But I broke and I screamed and I ran, off the path. I shut my left eye because that is the eye the sees this... strangeness. I tried to get my camera out while I ran but it was dead. I was so caught up in trying to turn it on that I just didn't see the tree coming.

When I came to I was sitting against a tree and the camera was balanced in my lap, still off. I opened both eyes but everything looked absolutely normal. I didn't see myself or any... woman. I didn't know how long I'd been out but the light looked the same. The sound of breaking sticks caught my attention and I lifted my throbbing head up a bit higher. Whoever was running at me now was practically a kid, though I guess “teenager” is more appropriate. He didn't say a damned word but I knew he was out of breath by the jagged rise and fall of his chest.

When he didn't talk I asked if he knew the way out. He replied with a hoarse negative and so I started talking to fill the silence while I got to my feet... with his help, sad to say. My camera and my phone were in working order, not much time passed. My back was screaming so that every step of that damn walk back to the main path and finally out of the damned forest.

I asked the kid if he'd seen anyone else in the woods but he said he hadn't.

I've got a lot to think about, and that is true. But more than that, I want time to consider the possibility that maybe I really have lost it. That was part of what I was thinking about between then and now. I've got more decisions to make. With Brian MIA, as it were, and so many questions left unanswered and even not understood... I don't know if I've even considered all of the possibilities. I have to consider that in addition to having lost James, Quinn, Jess, Dan... I may have lost Brian too. It may be down to Jon, Ian and I. But to do what? To survive? Well... I don't think it wants me dead.

It's had all the chance in the world.

As for this woman, I'm going to go looking up and myths she might match that maybe I read as a kid, just in case I'm going the kind of crazy you only get out of your own bad nightmares.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten about Abbey or the videos that I appeared in on youtube channels that this thing seems involved with. I will handle the first of those as it comes and the second part, well there's nothing more I can do. I need to focus on the here and now and the unanswered questions left to me.  

Monday, July 2, 2012

The fourth is coming fast. Brian's going to give me straight answers this time. I'll have the video up that evening.

But... today I wonder about the girl whose videos I found on youtube. The girl who I still think I somehow know despite logic saying otherwise. The video that was put on her channel last night, it disturbs the shit out of me.

Had some power outages lately... the pump keeps failing too. Things are sorta going to hell.

Ah, I think I hear someone at the door. Landlord's supposed to be coming by.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The power's on and all that but... the road's blocked off. Something abnormal is going on. Firetrucks, cop cars, but we cannot see a fire. My old man was heading into work and they turned him around at the roadblock, no one getting out. Thing is I went outside to see how significant it was and saw for myself the lights from the trucks and cars but no sign of fire.

I tried to head back inside but I saw something blocking my front door. Well, plainly put it was blocking my front door, you know, *It*. I turn and ran toward the trucks but not a single person there took notice of me and when I reached the top of the hill that was hiding them from my sight to begin with, I turned and tried to see if it was behind me. It wasn't. So I just went back. I've got footage but it's unusable. Just black until I get to the hill. I'm calling Ian. Fuck this.
Yesterday was pretty damned bad. I'm just going to delete the video I recorded. It was me mostly just having a bit of a breakdown. Which is strange when you think about it, the voice has gone silent. She doesn't scream, cry or sing or yell anymore. I've not been seeing things. No one has contacted me with weird shit, I've just been looking around at all this shit on the internet about this thing, trying to pick real from fake, true from exaggeration.

The last part is the hardest.

I've been sending emails constantly to the address associated with the blog that Alex and Cenobia are running. The last time they posted, they said they had their internet running again. They went quiet after that. I've not noticed any activity on the channel their recent addition runs, that Project Croatan stuff. A weird post last month but that's about it. I'm considering trying to message that account. I've gotten no response and I'm getting a bit offput by it.

Monday, June 11, 2012

That little thing...

I know I've not posted in a while but my... issues... have been holding me back.

I've not been horribly unaware.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I got very intoxicated last night and decided to record something. I'll upload it soon.

Monday, May 14, 2012


I'll be there. Camera in hand, Brian. It's going to take a lot of convincing to make me turn it off this time, especially since you'll be unarmed.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Hello, Mark

It's been a while.

Another year's almost come and gone.

Let's celebrate, this time, your birthday.

Same place though, alright?

I'll be there. Will you?

Don't worry, I'll be unarmed.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Forward Progress.

I've got my medications, I haven't coughed myself into a migraine, the other medical issue is beginning to resolve itself.

It comes to my attention that I don't know where to go from here.

I guess an attempt at describing/explaining the video on my flash drive?

... and I guess I better explain the other video I've uploaded recently.

First, from the Flash Drive.

I recognize bits and pieces. The footage mostly is from a city. I now am lead to believe Chicago and I think there's a shot of Willis Tower in there too. In one scene I'm on the edge of the woods and someone's yard, carving into a tree. The same tree that I'm walking across early on. It's a large one that fell early last year. Being on it actually gives a decent view of the woods It's in pretty good shape anyway. I seemed to hesitate. Twice. I don't know if it was pain or fear or what. I don't recall it or who was recording me.

I can't tell you anything about more or less any of the other footage. Including disturbingly, the final scenes.

I don't know if you guys noticed it but there's an artifact on the screen during the scene where I descend some sort of stairs. It's hard to see with brightness all the way up but I did tilt my screen a bit and it made it better. It was... disturbing.

Not as much so as the final scene.

Where was I? And what did it do to me? It was right there... right behind me. Perhaps it is to blame for the strange bruising on my shoulders and back? Maybe... maybe not?

As for the other video... let's just say that I've decided to contact the girl I've mentioned, the one I thought I knew? I'm just not sure.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

More Medical Shit

I've become pretty damned ill and went to the doc. He gave me some pills for what he assures me is a bad case of bronchitis and nothing more. Other medical issues which I won't go into continue to persist and upset me... which is why I haven't said or done much lately. I'm spending all day in bed. And by bed, I mean couch.

Yay, couch.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Okay. Things aren't... good anymore. Not for her. Means any damage I could do is done already/ I'm going to go ahead and shoot the video now.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Call it desperation

If the person who shot and put together the footage on my flash drive is reading this I want to talk to you. I don't feel like it was me. So who was it? Jesus... it's... it was rather cheesy almost but the end...  but what the fuck is this shit?!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I have come to the conclusion that I am a wimp and don't want to watch this damned thing alone.

I can't get Ian or Jon to come out any time soon. I mean again, this is just a fuckin video file. It'll probably be nothing.

I've got to get to a doctor next week and depending on what he says and does I may not be on Wednesday or Thursday so I really... can't stall on this much longer. I might have a project unrelated to all of this madness to get started on soon. A buddy of mine wants to do something fun and since I figure he's pretty well safe, I'm going to help him.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Part two.

It's done.

I was tempted not to upload a couple of them but I have to be honest. I made mistakes and I'm not sure how much was me and how much was not.

The description of each upload contains the original descriptions of the videos and my own input. In it I explain some things I didn't want to, but I owe to anyone who's been following this fucked up narrative.

With that... I guess I've nothing left to do but stall.


Reuploading Take 1

The WeArePromethean videos have been reuploaded. I wanted to do something like a slide show of the tumblr but it's just too... involved. I'm leaving it up for any who wish to review it. As an aside the blog is at ianpromethean.tumblr.com It will no longer be active.

I haven't slept since a nap after class last night. I'm afraid if I don't take advantage of my ability to sleep lately I will regret it. So for now.. bed. I'll return to the reupload process later.

Finals are over.

I had a horrible day. I had to finish two finals, one of which was a damned in class essay but I got to finish the other final, my Spanish II final with a pounding headache and being at moments unsure if I was sitting in my classroom or sitting in... I've come to think of it as a warehouse. Whatever I see, for whatever reason, it looks like a warehouse.

I had a beer after class, came home sat around and fell asleep. So I'm getting a late start. I have two more videos to pull off of the channel MarkInHereStill and then I'll begin uploading the other videos. I'll start with the ones Ian posted simply because of chronological order. I don't know why I'm bothering to write this other than that I've got a damned hour before I can grab the other two off through the download on youtube. I'd start uploading I.P. videos now but even the first one would take so damned long.

I've decided that given the shortness of the first three MIHS videos, I intend to merge them into one when I reupload. They were all posted within a few days of each other.

The only question then is whether I shut down the MIHS channel entirely or simply leave it. I think I'll take a page from Ian's book and leave it up as a sort of back up. Speaking of Ian, if you're reading this, you need to apply to get posting rights on this blog, assuming you still want to kill that tumblr.

Which I won't blame you if you do.

Summer off here I go... let's hope it's less interesting than last summer.

We're rapidly approaching a year since this blog began but... considering how many years of this I'm starting to remember... well... it doesn't feel all that important.

I've not put in the flash drive. I'm still... afraid to. It makes me sick.

I'm going to leave Resurrection up. I don't see how it's harming anyone but me and that's just my own fucked up mentality probably.

Last but not least, I know I've mentioned her before but there IS a girl whose story I've been following through youtube. I really, for her sake, don't want to mention her. I feel like I know her but I'm not sure.

When I took my fall over a year ago, I may well have naturally as a result of trauma, lost several memories. In fact, I'm sure I did. However it's almost as if someone took an eraser and erased a line or two back toward the left side of a chalk board. Key bits and pieces from beyond the damage that the fall caused are just still gone, or blurry. I've put much of it together from other memories, from talking to Brian and Ian and from examining the hard drive that Brian procured from Quinn. There are discussions, recorded phone calls, video files (all amounting to damned near NOTHING because this thing does not like getting caught on my camera unless it WANTS to) but... even so it's helped jog my memory on a lot of things.

If this girl on the youtube channel is someone I knew maybe they'll remember me, that's true. But then I don't much feel like randomly terrifying someone just on a hunch.

So... nothing on that for now. Maybe I'll get desperate enough at some point. Maybe not.

I'm going to watch an episode of something and then grab the last two videos.

Long days and pleasant nights.
Live long and prosper.

Take your pick and have a good evening.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Hi guys.

Last night during the night nothing went wrong. I slept on my couch which is not unusual for me... something about my room makes me uneasy nowadays.

I kept my comp on all night but thanks to my plan settings it was still (barely) alive when I woke so I could check and be sure that the video had uploaded.


I tossed two titles on there because both were fitting.

There's plenty more footage of that con I didn't show because honestly save for once on Sunday when I thought I saw Quinn it's all irrelevant. I was so... PISSED Saturday night.... but I do have something to tell you all.

If you've not watched the above video by now be forewarned...I'm spoiling.

Quinn showed up. He told me not to ignore his phone calls and he told me to go to Sears Tower. I hadn't been there in years. Sunday instead of heading straight home to Indiana I went into Chicago and had a fiasco finding parking and bus routes and such but I got to where I was going.

Except Sears Tower doesn't exist anymore.

It's called Willis Tower now.

Willis T.

Guys, I think I was in or around Chicago during the lost month. Somehow standing at the foot of Willis Tower made me SURE of it. I got a feeling and it's the same feeling I get when I watch that damn mystery video that popped up on my channel, Resurrection. Whenever I see that white mask. It feels WRONG. Does that video have anything to do with it? I don't know. All I know is that the mystery of Willis T. has been solved... thanks to a man who I still can't decide if I hate or not.

Quinn why won't you just fucking talk like a normal damned human being?

Well... I have come to a decision. The missing shirt turned up... the question of Willis T. has been answered... and I saw Quinn.

I need to gather up my cajones and open the video file on that damned flash drive. Who knows what it contains?

Whether it's an avoidance technique or not I've decided I'm not going to do that until I have collected the videos from the channel I began when Quinn had control of my accounts and from Ian's old channel and upload them. It will take me a while which I guess buys me time. Why am I so worried about what one little video will show me? It's probably nothing. More cryptic nonsense.

I also have to wonder how the video Resurrection ended up getting PUT onto my upload queue on MY computer and uploading so quickly, all within twenty minutes, when it takes me hours to upload videos. I have to wonder what it means or why when I look at it or when I looked at the tower, I got that strange feeling like I was pushing against an unmovable wall that pushed back. It wasn't necessarily a physical sensation it's more like... knowing you can't win, knowing you must win and finally in an act of mercy and cruelty you lose spectacularly. It is a feeling of desperation and failure.

I have to stop writing such long ridiculous posts but as I've iterated before.. no one but Alex and Cenobia are reading this anymore so I guess I'm not hurting anyone. This is a blog where I can get things out.

If the aforementioned couple are reading this... did Quinn come back? Why is your blog silent?

Finals, Videos, Migraines

It just keeps happening. It's starting to get more frequent. She was crying last night. I could tell it was tears even if it was just on the edge of my hearing. My head just throbbed.

I've decided that since I had no time today and won't have any while running around taking finals tomorrow that I'm going to let the video I've put together about ACen and what happened there upload over night.

Hopefully when left unattended no more unwelcome and unsolicited videos will appear on my channel.

I don't know why but that Resurrection video makes me feel so very uncomfortable.

For those who didn't see it this video kicked my video off of my damned uploading queue and uploaded in a time that should have been fuckin impossible for my current internet. I couldn't have been away for twenty minutes.

Here it is:


I can't make heads or tails of it. Let me know if you can.

Anyway, I'm gonna set MY video to uploading very soon. Will link it in the morning before class or after my first one, hell if I know which.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Apparently I shouldn't shower!

I went to take a shower while I let my upload queue continue the long process of uploading my video of the events of this last weekend. I just got out and according to youtube a video uploaded alright but MY video had HOURS to go because of my shit internet... and it is entirely gone from the queue. The video that uploaded... it was in the queue but I didn't put it there. I checked my hard drive but it's not on it. It apparently uploaded about 20 minutes ago.

And here's the damned kicker... I only got into the shower about 25 minutes ago.

The damn thing uploaded faster than anything I've tried to upload lately could have DREAMED of.

I'm frustrated. I'll try again tomorrow.


Afternote. I've talked with Ian and I've decided that I'm going to add him as a member to this blog. He'll be able to post but I imagine he'll post about as often if not less often than Brian. It will let him get rid of the tumblr he started while he was under the influence of whatever this thing did to him. Similarly the video channel that my drugged up self made when my passwords to all of my accounts had been changed by Quinn and the video channel that Ian made will be taken down. Relevant videos will be reuploaded... probably with commentary in the description. Christ only knows how long that will take with my net connection but it's necessary so that I can get control over all of this.

Things got so chaotic and I'm so far behind on UNDERSTANDING.

Ta-ta for now.

Monday, April 30, 2012


This happened Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, before the con.

The below was recorded on Friday of the Con in response to a rumor I had heard from an old con friend about someone that was looking around for me.


By Wednesday night I intend to have a video up explaining more and a post to follow soon after. Jesus. This is chaotic.
Everyone: I am home. I've got a video from before the con to upload and plenty to post and upload from the con now. This was made Friday night...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Raq6qX-tV3E It's really redundant now but I was a bit unnerved.
Brian: 5y3 47j94 8 3jq8o3e 697 qg975 8w w58oo 7hd9hr84j3e. G75 wy3 2qw 5y343.
Alex and Cenobia from AAndCFromNewYorkToCali/let's find Matt: I've found who you're looking for. And no, I don't mean Matt. You've found your friend... you might change your blog title.

I'll try to figure out what to do here soon....

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Not sure what's happening, actually.

Today I confirmed something... and I'd like to upload the video... but this net is not quick enough right now.

I'm pretty frustrated... there are a shitton of idiots in the room I'm sleeping in right now. I'm considering sleeping in my fuckin car. Genuinely pissed and I don't want to stay in here long enough even to record that webcam video like I promised in the video I got done shooting about an hour back.

This is the last fuckin time I get into a room that isn't going to be clearly labeled NOT A PARTY ROOM.

I don't like all this bullshit and I hate having to leave my laptop in here this is ungodly.

Sorry, people, it's been a stressful day for a vacation.

So much to say no option to say it.

Friday, April 27, 2012

I know what you're saying, Mark up THIS early? Well sir or madam I refuse to let something I couldn't have possibly actually seen keep me from enjoying this convention. I came here for a reason.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Trying to take advantage of the hotel's internet to upload that damned video from a couple nights back.

It's not even day 1 of the con and I think something is wrong.

I thought I saw someone a few minutes ago but it's pretty fuckin' unlikely that it's them.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Didn't go back to sleep. The paramedics have left and I managed to talk them into not taking me with them. I'll try to post the video but it might have to wait until after the con. I'm so busy but... tonight was terrible.
I had a dream. She wasn't singing or whispering in my ear like usual.

She was screaming in pain. Even so I was not seeing anything that would make a screaming woman's voice ringing in my ears make sense. I stood in a room with a dark hardwood paneled floor. It was square and lit by a series of candles spread out in a circle. In the center of the circle was a man. His head was hung and he was seated in the half lotus. It was clearly some dramatized image of a man meditating. I became instantly aware (mostly because the candles had the wrong colored flames) that I was dreaming. The dream began to fall apart instantly. I KNEW I was about to wake up so I used the first tactic that had ever helped me stabilize a dream as it was fading. I began to walk in a circle, counterclockwise around the candles and focused on the man. When I felt confident I turned to him in a haze and asked him what he represented.

I could not hear my own voice over the screaming.

He lifted his head and spoke with no voice.

I have no way to make you understand what that means but that is what he did.

Half of his reply was drowned in the tortured screeching... which sucks because it was a long one.

I am the ................. never ending never falling......... number sixteen... arcana... the wrong side of karma... seeking forbidden knowledge. 

The Arcana.

Doesn't take scooby doo to figure out this mystery.

The fuck did it mean?

Who am I kidding, I'm just nuts. Bed.

Monday, April 23, 2012

My head was pounding and she was singing again. She's like a whisper in my ear, her ringing voice barely audible unless the room is entirely quiet, as my living room was until just now. You know what the voice reminds me of? I swear it makes me think of this anime I used to watch as a kid, Trigun. Mary and I would sit and watch it all the time before she moved off. She was a bit of a tomboy which was probably why I liked her. Girly girls were somehow intimidating back then.

In this anime the main character, a long lived humanoid man trying to settle his past frequently has flashbacks to the image of a woman with dark hair in the distance. She's singing a song called Sound Life. At least that's the Japanese version, in the English version I don't know what the song was called. It's just the one I grew up knowing, so I recognize it more than the Japanese version. Her voice is always far off and soft and she's almost audibly passionate.

It makes me think of that woman, Rem Saverem. Of course Rem's a completely fictional character but next time I start hearing shit like this I'm just going to turn that song on instead and drown it out. Feels better that way. I guess soft voices singing make me think of odd things from my past? 

As always I had those ghost images again only it's more than a ghost image. If I squint I can barely differentiate between the two. I had almost fallen asleep when it began so that I wasn't sure where I was. It's terrible. 

My feet were touching carpet but for this brief moment I was standing on cement. I was in my living room but I thought I was surrounded by crates and boxes covered in what might have been hiragana. It wasn't a romantic lettering. I was *SCARED.* I blinked and things were.. well not any clearer or more understandable but I saw both these weird ghost images and the room around me about equally for another five minutes.

That damn voice stopped a lot faster though. I can almost never hear it well. I just know it's singing. I haven't got a clue what.

Let me sum my life up right now.

  1. I'm probably developing schizophrenia, thus the hearing voices and seeing things. 
  2. I'm suffering a lot of bouts of mania
  3. I have no medications. Not even my pain meds which is why I won't be doing any videos until I get them the day before I go off to the con. 
  4. I still don't clearly understand James' death and Quinn's part in it. 
  5. I still don't know what Brian is up to or who exactly he works for besides 'military.' 
  6. I don't know if this girl whose videos I'm following on youtube is someone I actually knew or if the intense feeling of familiarity is just further failure of my mind. 
  7. I can't get my school life back on track so I'm just going to a con next weekend in Illinois and trying to be a normal geek for a day or two. 
  8. Jon's starting to remember shit and want answers. 
  9. Ian's wanting me to add him to this blog but for some reason I really would rather keep this my very own. 
  10. After that one conversation with the guy named Josh... I never heard from him again. He told me things going on around him. Serial killers, missing persons... and of course the 'slenderman.' I hope he's alright. 
  11. After the night that she left my house I never saw or heard from Stormy again. We never had time to get particularly close but she was under my roof for a couple of days. It's hard not to wonder about someone like that. I don't think I really even understand how or why she came to be here. 
  12. I have some unexplained photos on my computer. They almost look like a camera being pointed up through a burlap sack... but some of them are dark... like it's being covered. 
  13. I still haven't watched the video on my flash drive. I'm legitimately scared to. 
  14. I don't know who Willis T is or what 'walked on the clouds' might mean. 
  15. I'm experiencing a lot of wild mood swings between anger and depression. 
  16. Despite the fact that I have Ian and Jon to talk to (when Jon wants to put up with me...) I feel more alone than I ever have. 
  17. I still know nothing about the thing that is called 'The Slenderman' or the similar looking creature Brian says he saw once while tracking The Slenderman's whereabouts. 
  18. I don't know where I was for pretty much a month or how I got so hurt. 
  19. The plus side? All investigations on me have ceased. Apparently everyone involved has come to the realization that I'm not lying or doing terrible things... shit's HAPPENING to me. Maybe I need to give Quinn that same chance but I still won't answer his calls. 
  20. I'm trying a mixture of reviewing old writings, posts, emails, videos and guided meditation to try to help me piece together my damn memories. Call me crazy (I probably am) but there's always been something to the concept of meditation and I intend to try damn near anything. 

That's all for now. I'll try to post once more before I leave on Thursday morning. I won't have net during the convention unless I find someone with a hotspot on their phone.


I forgot to mention that I finished that list I was making on my wall when I got interrupted. Somehow putting Ian up there slipped my mind ENTIRELY. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

It's insane but... about a minute and a half ago I went in, put a damned bowl of ramen into my microwave, came into the living room. I did that all in the dark. I heard nothing, I touched nothing but the bowl in the drying wrack and the microwave and the pack of ramen and handle for the water. Yet.. a minute later I am sitting here, reading a possible source for a school paper and out of nowhere the sound of something metal falling onto the floor rings out. If I had hit something and it was teetering why would it teeter a full minute and then decide NOW to fall? Why wouldn't I have noticed? Why am I actually more comfortable staying in this very spot and writing this post instead of going into my own GOD DAMNED KITCHEN. Whatever. In about two and a quarter minutes i'll really have no choice, will I? My fuckin paranoia is back. But who can blame me. I'm seeing and hearing shit *STILL* who am I kidding thinking it's smart of me to go to a public place. Knowing me I'll wake up one morning committed to an insane asylum. Jesus Christ. I'm feeling so alone. But still I've got that lead to follow up about the girl I saw on youtube... and there's the fun project I want to do with my friend from school. Just too much on my plate to do it or think about it and yet I can't focus on this paper due in less than 24 hours. FUCK! And why the hell did I restart facebook? Who am I going to add or talk to? The sometimes AWOL Russian impersonating friend who shot me or the one who kept me locked up in a room for damn near a week? But hey, at least that Cen girl found me on there. No friend request soon, though looking at their blog aandcfromnytocali.blogspot.com I can hardly blame her for being too busy for social networking. The tongue in cheek is getting me in a bad mood.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I've decided...

If I can't get my life back on track I can try for some normalcy.

There's an annual anime convention in Rosemont, Il called ACen. It's next weekend. I'm going. Not sure you'll hear from me during that time. At the very least I doubt the ol' tall suited and faceless will be out in the city. It's right outside of Chicago after all.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I may have something here...

I was looking at the youtube channel for Quinn's new friend, that Project Croatan channel. In the related videos section on one of his videos, I saw something interesting, clicked it, and then feeling inspired poked around the related videos section there.

That third video loaded and I think I found someone I recognize. A girl. But I can't place her.

More soon enough, I guess.

So far I haven't noticed any of the shit from last night. That's good but I wish I could get rid of these worries.

Blinking sucks.

I looked at the alarm clock beside my couch-don't ask, but it makes sense if you know how I live-It was pretty clearly 11:30. All I can remember after that was turning my head, considering that I ought to turn on a computer, a light... something. Then, as if I had just blinked, I turned toward the clock again, intent on setting an alarm and trying to nap. Instead it read 1:30. I figured part of the lights in the digital display were gone. When I checked my phone to confirm it actually agreed with the clock.

Multiple times since then, especially when I started writing this, I sometimes swear I'm seeing some sort of... ghost image. It's hazy and I'm never sure where anything is, but it's like I'm looking at another world over top my own. More than that, even when I'm not seeing it I swear I hear a girl's voice. Screaming, talking, weeping.... I never thought I'd say this but maybe I should go back to my shrink. This almost sounds like schizophrenia. But I know I am not this girl, she is not in the room with me and I am not in the room I think I see.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A rather blah post.

Been a couple of days since I posted. Not much to report really. I'm thinking of seeing another doctor and I'm trying to make up tons of missed work for my classes. My pain medication's running low which will make logical thinking a pain in the ass but whatever.

I think I've found something interesting on youtube but for now I'll sit on my hands.

Speaking of youtube, I looked into the guest that Quinn and company have with them and the youtube channel he seems to run. It's pretty ugly.

I was sitting here just now working on a revision for that English paper that the flashdrive fucked up and I sort of got a bit hazy, couldn't focus. Then the weirdest thing happened. It's like someone was shining an LED light at the left side of my face, I just.. saw a bright light out of my left eye. I looked and no one was in the room and the window I was beside was still covered from the inside. I guess I haven't really gone back to my paper yet because of a mix of nerves and pain. I've got a goddamn headache that could wake the dead.

No progress on who Willis T. is or the meaning behind "I walked on the clouds."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

"A disturbance in the force...."

After my Spanish class let out for the night I got home around 8:30 and managed to sit around until about 9:30. For some reason I was dead exhausted so I decided to go ahead and crash out on the couch. Normally when I feel like this I can saw logs for about ten hours. I usually do. But this time I woke up about five hours later and I was instantly wide awake, eyes open, queasy and scared. I've just been sitting here ill and focusing to stop myself from vomiting.

It's finally passed.

Don't know what it was all about but I feel better now.

On another note, I speed-wrote a paper for English, trying to make up for all the shit I was missing, the other night. I put it on the flash drive I found in my bag after that whole month of lost time took it to school and uploaded it. Yesterday I went to print that paper out and it was... ridiculous. Certain bits of the text are 100% backwards as if I'd written it out in some sort of mirror text. Some are in all caps, some are in fonts I've never even heard of before, some is just missing entirely. I met with my professor and he told me he had noticed the same. More than that, each time he opened the file the damage to the paper changed. Different sections had different afflictions. He accepted my excuse of, 'must be file corruption.' The hard copy I gave him from the original file was fine so that's all handled but I have no clue what could have done that.

That flash drive worries me and now I *really* don't want to open that video file.

As always, if anyone has any information on someone named Willis T. or a connection to the phrase "I walked on the clouds" please let me know.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


I got to thinking last night after shooting the prior linked video that I don't think I ever introduced myself properly with this blog. Inane thoughts, vague ramblings about a drunken night I doubt I'll ever fully remember... but no proper introduction. I guess this post will be how I do that.

I'm Marcus Jones. I am twenty-one and live in a small town in Indiana. I'm out of the closet, out of shape and always feeling like I'm rapidly running out of time. I study foreign languages, right now focusing on Spanish with future intent to study French and Mandarin. I would love to learn Japanese out of enjoyment of their culture, mostly introduced to me through anime and J-drama viewed online but I don't know how well I'll succeed. I'm a writer but my writing is generally very much garbage. I made a Facebook but only just last night decided to ever use it. I guess I wanted to avoid the bandwagon.

I live with my father in a small duplex, the other half of the house is empty after the tenant passed away. I have two dogs and my biological siblings died before birth. As long as we're being honest, I live through the stereotypical query of the point of getting close to anyone or anything: they either leave or die. However I also recognize mankind is not a solitary beast. The truly solitary become truly beasts. I believe in some new-age type things and some old-age type things. I believe that if the mind can be quieted enough, meditative states are deadly useful. Likewise using guided imagery on them can help, too. I've achieved lucid dreaming but only once while not under the influence of medication. Save for that one time it was always used defensively in the middle of a nightmare. Usually they concern It.

When I was ten I was in my church for a church lock-in. My best friend at the time was the preacher's son and when we played hide and seek that night in the church we broke the rules and hid on the top floor in a small sunday school room together. That night, my friend, Ken, saw something out of the window of the room we were hiding in. He pointed it out to me. It was the outline of a tall man on the edge of the woods behind our church that approached, stopped short of the parking lot and tilted its head up toward us. It was entirely without a face.

We fled downstairs, somehow not injuring ourselves and got split up in the dark church. That night I had my first close encounter with that thing. It was utterly terrifying and it left me unconcious on the church's piano bench. When I woke, despite the fact that every child in the building had been there and saw the same thing I did, no one seemed to believe me. Except maybe Ken, who did not speak in my defense and who stopped talking to me shortly after.

Next was a neighbor girl when I was not yet quite a teenager. I cared about her a lot in that puppy love sort of way. We were playing behind the church because I'd convinced myself it was fine not to be afraid. We did it every day that summer. Then one day it showed itself to me again. It was there, dressed in a suit and tie. It made me physically ill to look at, I remember that. I remember also that she outran me: I was never in very good shape, at all in my life. That night there was a break in at her house. For the next two weeks she refused to speak to me and shortly after she and her family had left without an explanation. The moving trucks must have come in the night.

I think I heard tell that she had moved a state over but I know nothing else about her after that. I moved schools and none of the rumors followed. Trust me, plenty of rumors had started about that day in the woods. I was the class punching bag in a bullying sense, though rarely physical until I would later come out of the closet around age seventeen. Still, I made friends. Brian, Jess, James, Dan, Ian. Through James I met Jon and at a convention a few towns over I met Quinn. It all fell together pretty fast but it fell apart just as fast.

Jess and Dan were the last to encounter it, this thing that had haunted me since I was young. I thought Quinn had never seen it himself, but now I'm not so sure. Even if I was right back then, he's definitely encountered it now.

Brian quickly became determined to fight it and as young teenagers Ian, Brian and I deluded ourselves into believing we could. It did things to us mentally and emotionally. At various times I would watch my friends lose time, days, nights, weeks, on occasion months. Sometimes they would be injured, sometimes not. We never got close to it, it got close to us. It isn't something we can control or physically combat. I say that despite wishing it wasn't true. Quinn tried to help us look for information about this thing but there was so little for such a long time. And then after a period of time... everyone forgot except Brian, Quinn and I. By the time this happened, I was older... I was angry and jaded and I actually hated many of my friends and family.

I'd like to blame that stupidity on this thing messing with my head but the thing was that I, unlike the others, had never been allowed to forget. I could see it at any time, day or night, in my waking hours or in my sleep.

I decided it would be better for Jess, Dan, James, Jon, all of them to forget and be allowed to forget. After all, none of them had ever really helped. Then one night more than a year and a half later, about a full day after Brian had returned from some time overseas, he, Dan, James, Jess and I went camping. It was a dumb decision that I regretted even before we'd lit a campfire because I thought I had seen *It* already. Dan had been unlike himself all night, and the rings under his eyes were nice and thick so we figured he would go to sleep early. Instead he got up and vanished into the woods. We looked for him for hours but no one found anything, no one saw anything.

Brian left some time that night, presumably going to try to find help to find him but stayed gone for a couple of days until he contacted me from a hotel room and told me he'd gotten a couple of pieces of mail he wanted to talk about. I brought my camera, thinking that between this and Dan, all of this was starting again and it was time to get it recorded. The first envelope contained orders for him to deploy, but he couldn't say where or when. The second was photos. Photos of him on his prior mission. Several had been cut or torn, but they were old polaroids.

Brian left and went silent for a long, long time.

Dan had turned up at home with no clear recollection but some sort of a severe chemical burn around his throat. He and Jess remained blissfully ignorant. I continued studying, contacting Quinn who lived out of town and had been trying to set up a network with people who claimed to have seen this thing. I did the school thing and trying to have a life while I waited to hear from Brian. My relationship with Quinn became strained over personal matters.

December of 2010, James and I were hanging out in a public enough place and he was quite simply, taken. I don't know how, I presume there was some sort of violence, but it's rather fuzzy.. Either way we spent some time looking for him and eventually had to give up. One evening days later, I closed my eyes in my bed, fell asleep, and woke up in a completely different room. The walls being paper thin, James and I quickly learned we were neighbors in locked rooms. Our keeper wore a ski mask and worked alone. But he had no special precautions and eventually we saw an opening.

I've told the story of that escape many times before... some hazily, some not so hazily. I'll leave that to you all to remember, no need to reiterate it.

As we left, I heard gunshots. I looked back and saw who was shooting at us and knew Quinn's face very well. I managed to get home but could get no help from the authorities. James turned up dead not long after. Called back by Quinn who told him I was unsafe, Brian showed up at my house.

What exactly happened next, I don't know. Near as we can tell, I was surprised by him and slipped on the ice. I broke my spine, busted my head open. I was stricken with severe retrograde amnesia and parts of my life were lost. A large portion of it was entirely gone, but just bits and pieces of the rest of it. It was so odd that, unaware of the truth, I often fantasized I'd been kidnapped for knowing a secret and had my mind erased of anything relating to it. Now I wonder if Brian and I weren't so alone after all that day, but I'll never know.

Brian left, not wanting to be arrested for being AWOL. He went back to wherever he was on assignment... on assignment to investigate *It* but kept an eye on me.

The rest, as they say, is history. After a few months he started to experience mental and emotional issues, nightmares, night terrors... and so he contacted me, worried that I was in danger. He did it carefully and stealthily and trusted in my love of foreign languages. Unfortunately he trusted the last part too much and it came down to others to teach me what he was trying to tell me.

Life became a duality for months afterward. Things were both right and wrong, facts remained obscured, things I didn't know,t hings Brian told me, things he didn't. At the culmination of it all, he came to confront me and tell me everything and get me to tell him everything. That's when for the first time the thing took me.

Brian's posted in this blog what happened. That says all there is to say about the subject. The car accident was almost certainly not an accident and I don't know what I was going to do. The others were reintroduced to their cluelessness, though Jon still had a dead brother to miss. I continued on in my duality only it was intensified. Sometimes things were clear, sometimes they were not. I would think the painkillers were able to remove enough pain to uncloud my memories but to this day I still don't know if that's what it was.

The rest is FAR MORE recent history and I refuse to recap most of it. I was seeking vengance dressed as justice.

Suffice it to say that Brian did discharge a weapon on me in self defense. Dan was reintroduced to That Thing and Brian has again left the country. Justice or vengeance still on my mind I kept thinking of ways I might still punish Quinn and yet I began to lead a quasi normal life, relying on Ian and Jon and Dan. Dan doesn't talk to me much. Jon only knows so much. Ian has gone through so much. Brian is still gone, and Quinn is off doing whatever he wants. I don't care.

I regret my attitude toward him... but that is the least of my worries.

Now again, for the second time, I've really, truly lost time. A month, after which I was left sore, tired, disgusting and remorseful.

My only clues are the contents of a flash drive I still refuse to look at and the name Willis T. and the phrase, "I walked on the clouds."

I still do not know who Willis T. is or what that phrase might mean. I'm hoping if anyone reads this, they *will* know.

For now, I'm hoping to recapture a life and if I can do that then I can start trying to fix everything, if that is even possible.

Thanks for your time.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Taking Stock.

I've added two more cards. Matt, who apparently is to blame for this Alex and Cenobia knowing about this thing. Whoever their fourth guy is I hope he's no one I've ever had the fortune to meet. And one labeled, "Brian's Superiors." I've decided that the strange encounter Brian had with the thing that looked like IT sans clothing is at least not relevant to me. Right now. There's no reason for me to think about something else. My life is falling to pieces around me and Brian is the only one I've ever known to see this other thing. Except for whoever took those pictures.

I'm going to do a large three-part post tonight or tomorrow.

As a note, I haven't got a clue where the pic in this blog's background came from. I'm sure I took it at some point but I couldn't tell you what it was. All I know is it disturbs me less than the last one.

Last but not least... as always if anyone can tell me who Willis T. is or what I might've meant by writing 'I walked on the clouds' beneath his name... please let me know. I've tried to figure it out but I can't find anyone named Willis T. who I've ever known or who seems to be connected to any of this.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

My face is cleared up. I haven't gotten around to finding a new background for the blog or unprivating the youtube channel's videos, much less uploading the videos from In Here Still. Ian and I have just remembered that he apparently uploaded some videos to a channel of his own while he was... mislead, I guess. I don't know what to tell you about that that I haven't already. We're going to leave them up. If there is an answer to be found we'll need everything.

I've been busy trying to get my life together again. I've done my best... but I face losing my financial aid and thus my school.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Last post of the day, I suspect.

I know I still have a few things to talk about and explain but I've made some decisions.

I'm changing this blog's name back.

I'm finding a background that doesn't frustrate and confuse me.

I'm making all videos on Driest Humor public and I'm going to take down the videos from In Here Still and upload them with proper information (time/date originally uploaded.) I'll try to annotate or explain in the description everything that I think I can... but to be honest I'm not exactly any more knowledgeable. You guys have missed some things in my life but not too much.

A failure in uploading

The video, 'No Es Un Hombre' has failed to properly upload. I was, I confess, more bothered to try to find out just how out of order my life was and just recently noticed the failure in audio. I uploaded a correction yesterday but forgot to link it.

This video shows the audio of the voicemail, the whole thing.

Monday, April 2, 2012

My pain medication and I are reacquainted

on a massive scale.

When I finally got up it was some time around mid day. I went into my living room. My father had been home and was unconcious on the couch. On the loveseat were my jacket, my bag, my boots. I remembered that as I stumbled to my bedroom the night prior I'd found my camera on the bathroom counter and went back to look for it, taking my shit with me. On the chip are two videos and some pictures. One video seems to refuse to upload to my computer. It literally seems to show me getting brought into my house and shoved into my bathroom and being told not to move until I heard them leave.

I sounded so calm but what little of that crazy haze I was in last night I can remember tells me that I wasn't. It won't upload properly. Just won't. I'll keep trying. It was supposed to be on the front of the video I'm putting up now, but here it is without it.


EDIT: Upon review I found that youtube seems to have butchered this clip. Fuck. Please see the bottom for a link a THIRD video, which will correctly share the voicemail on my phone.

The other I'll include separately from this one, which I just made. It tells just about all that I've been able to glean.

I can say a couple things.

In the other video on the chip, the one that I'm gonna upload and link below, I am wearing a shirt that I can't find anymore. I have to wonder if I wasn't wearing it last night because when I came to, all I had was a bag over my head and a sheet around my body and so much pain.

I also know what the smell was. It's been taken care of now, but suffice it to say I seem to have been less than tidy for the last month. That's embarrassing to talk about so that's enough about it. I don't know why I said that I took the last of my medication in that first clip, but I have not. I suspect I'm just a little um, head in the clouds. The pain is masked but as a side effect I may not be the best judge of my own skills. I also just woke up about an hour ago and I'm not doing too well mentally speaking.

I know I need to talk about a lot of things but I know less than I wish I did and I know what to say about less of that than I should.

Either way, here's what was on the chip, or at least most of it.


If you click any of these links any time soon it might not be uhh functional. the uploading process is taking forever... my internet seems to have been throttled down and I don't know how/why/when.

I'll add one last thing. The video of myself in the mirror... my face doesn't look like that right now. I'm pretty bruised up and I don't think I know why. I won't show my face at the moment.

The only thing I get when I try to remember what's been going on is this feeling of pushing against a wall with everything I had and it pushing back... HARD. A lot like a car crash you see coming. You do everything you can to avoid it but in the end you have no control. It's like that... like I'm floating. That makes little to no sense as the wreck I'm comparing it to happened before this... whole mess... but there you go.

EDIT: This gives the whole of the voicemail clip. I have no clue why youtube sucks. But there are some things that can only be shown through video and audio and that voicemail is one... it makes me feel... BAD.