About say five minutes before I finished the long post two posts back, I got up and went into the bathroom because I felt ill. I took a look into the mirror this time, something I'd been worrying about doing. Suffice it to say there was nothing was there which was fine by me. I spent the next day almost entirely in bed except to get food and water and medicine. I left the house yesterday around three because I had been invited by a friend to a battle of the bands a town over. The local bands in my town seem to like me, a lot know me by name. I guess I can be likeable enough to some people. Plus, this band was made up entirely of people who I considered my friends so if they invited me I was going to go. One of them picked me up and brought me there.
The night was pretty fun at first but then I just started feeling so god damned anxious. I ended up leaving in the middle of the concert many different times and just wandering the city. It was the only way to keep myself from feeling as if I just shouldn't be out there... and even that didn't help so much. Toward the end of the night a band got up who I knew from prior shows, I had talked to 2/5ths of its members many times before. I knew their kind of popculture taking internet 'humor' to offline life despite not knowing the source or in many instances meaning behind what they were saying.
One of the vocalists stepped up to the microphone for his sound check and began spouting nonsense into it, phrase after phrase of nonsense, geek humor, all rapid fire. And then I heard 'Slenderman.' It was that simple, some random, ignorant kid saying the name of this creature, this beast. And it set me off. I've never been kicked out of a show before, but I rushed the stage, yelling at this kid that he was a moron, that he needed to shut his fucking mouth. I guess they thought I was just heckling them because the crowd boo'd me and the guy told me to chill out. What they didn't count on was me getting on stage.
I don't know if I intended to hit the guy because I was frustrated at him for taking the time before sound check to preach and it reminding me of Ian or if it was just me being pissed that he would name this thing in front of everyone... but I wanted to hit him. I've come to believe that knowledge of this thing is what brings him down on you. So I was pissed.
All I know is that two of my friends had followed me to the stage and dragged me back off. One of them was pushed aside by one of the judges who grabbed me and pushed me to the door. I was in so much pain already that I couldn't fight it. He threatened to call the police on me and told me I wasn't welcome back. By this time it was dark as hell outside and I didn't want to go a-wandern'. This was basically a residential area... and one with a lot of small... wooded areas nearby. I don't like trees as much anymore. I figure that's something some of you might be able to understand. So I did leave but basically I just went around to the other side of the building and sat in my friend's truck.
For four hours.
With the amount of pain I was in when they found me those hours later, none of them wanted to take me home. They were thinking hospital and I cannot entirely blame them either. They also probably thought I was a bit too off kilter as honestly making any kind of scene at a concert that didn't involve riling a crowd up for the band on stage is unlike me. I convinced them to get me back to play place but that was about the end of things. I guess I'm just very lucky I didn't get my ass kicked or get the cops called on me.
I feel less stable.